musically challenged

Despite containing the frankly daft line 'ten toes and ten fingers', Forever I've Known is my favourite song on the album that's featured most prominently so far on my playlist in 2012, The Maccabees' Given to the Wild. A splendid album from a band that have really matured from album to album, they seem to have made a conscious effort to manipulate their music in such a way to make singer Orlando Weeks' voice the focal point whilst actually becoming a more accomplished outfit musically. Their sound is a big change from their debut but a change that I think has paid off.

We are now one and a half months into 2012 and so I got thinking what more have we got to look forward to, in terms of music, for the rest of the year. So here it is. My 10 most anticipated music releases of 2012:



1. Daft Punk - ?!?!?!
I'm starting with one that may or may not happen. Rumours are rife that Daft Punk are working on a new album with both singer-songwriter Paul Williams and American musician Nile Rodgers dropping hints that a collaboration could be on the cards. Whilst admittedly these are two names you wouldn't necessarily expect to see associated with Daft Punk I'm sure fans will be hoping the rumours are true. They haven't released an LP since 2005's Human After All and with a new release comes hopefully a new tour. Fingers crossed.

2. The XX
A band who threatened to be upstaged by their drummer in 2011 are finally releasing the follow-up to their widely-acclaimed debut xx. Will be interesting to see what direction they head in as Jamie xx has gone from strength-to-strength as the music industry's go-to man when in need of a remix (see the superb We're New Here). I also hope they hand out free t-shirts again at gigs as my mum threw away the one I acquired at Leeds 09.

3. The Stone Roses

Sure to be one of the highlights of my summer, I finally get to see the Stone Roses in 2012 having waited my whole life. I have my doubts about whether the new material will be any good let alone relevant but hopefully it will be worth the wait.

4. The Cribs - In The Belly Of The Brazen Bull
Whilst I would never do such a thing as criticize the legend that is Johnny Marr, I thought his brief affair with the Cribs didn't really work. They were a band of brothers (and a forty-eight year old guitarist). Hopefully now Marr's gone the band will go back to their earlier rawer sound which made them so much fun at gigs. 

5. Dirty Projectors
The Brooklyn band's last effort, Bitte Orca, is one of my favourite albums of the past few years. Experimental but with a coherent sound it was released in the same year as Dark was the Night on which they collaborated with David Byrne of Talking Heads. Its great to have them back and I'd love to see them tour the U.K.

6. Sleigh Bells - Reign of Terror
"The vocals and melodies have more of a pop and R&B influence…" vocalist Alexis Krauss told NME magazine. The title Reign of Terror doesn't exactly suggest a poppier direction so I've got a feeling the band may have been taking the piss out of the 'journo' here. I'm expecting more 200mph mayhem from the follow up to debut Treats.

7. The National 
Finally getting the recognition they deserve this side of the water The National look set to release album number 6.

8. Kendrick Lamar - Good Kid in a Mad City

Creator of undoubtedly one of the best rap albums of 2011, Section.80, this looks set to be his year. Before his first album he claimed that Tupac Shakur came to him in his dreams and told him to "Keep doing what you're doing, don't let my music die". I personally can't wait to hear his next inspiring story.

9. Danny Brown

My favourite rapper around at the moment. Overly boastful but ridiculously funny, Danny Brown is a joy to listen to. Recently toured with G Unit but we'll just pretend that didn't happen.

10. De La Soul - You're Welcome

Another group I seem to have waited an eternity to see live, I was delighted to see they are playing Parklife Weekender this summer. Even more delighted to hear they've got new stuff coming out, which will be the first for 8 years. If you haven't, check them out, I promise you won't be disappointed.

The ones that didn't make the list.. 

For the tenth year in a row we hear Dr. Dre's long awaited Detox is ready for release. I, for one, am not holding my breath. And, to be honest if I Need a Doctor is anything to go by, it seems Dre is losing his touch.
Outkast - much the same as Dr. Dre, we're still waiting. Both Andre 3000 and Big Boi have been involved with their own projects so maybe they've had a moment free to get some shit together. I doubt we'll find out anytime soon, 3000 is as elusive as Osama Bin Laden (was), choosing instead to appear as a cat.

Most artists seem to prefer the element of surprise these days, so don't be surprised if I've missed some bangers off this list. Let's hope there's many surprises in 2012.

Happy Listening.

Rappin' with a vengeance

A new trend has hit Aix-en-Provence.




No wait. Come back. I'll leave the fashion tips to magazine junkie, culture vulture and all round good guy Myfanwy. No. The craze to which I am referring is rap. And its rap of a particularly white, middle class nature.

It all began at Myfanwy's birthday meal. We were all happily eating (I say happily, my meal was shit) when Becky and Lily announced they about to entertain us with a performance. I thought, naturally, that it would have something to do with Myfanwy. Instead, they murdered Eminem's The Way I Am. It was possibly one of the cringiest moments I think I've ever witnessed. However the seed had been planted. Rap was about to become BIGGGGG in Aix.

The next day we were informed that the galdem had written a rap about us. What's more, they wanted a rap battle. That's when it all got very 8 Mile. Verses were drafted at the back of classrooms; tensions ran high over our weekly burrito. Cusses were aimed at body parts, partners past and present and top buttons. Bizarrely, Britain's favourite Turkish delight was also dragged into the fight. Outsiders may think this sounds rather infantile but I can assure you it is quite the opposite.

I am left asking myself one question, where is this all going to end?

my first post of 2012

Also my first post for a year and a half. A lot of my friends here in the south of France have blogs dedicated to their lives as Erasmus 'students'. I figured I'd rejoin them, but rather than carry on the trend by proclaiming my love of O'Sullivan's (it is a great pub), I will instead just continue doing what I set out to do in 2010 and that is: to show the world how pissed off i am.

I have recently realised how annoying I am. I regularly 'get on people's wick' (whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean). It really hit home the other day when I couldn't stop repeating something a friend of mine had said as we made our way around the cultural mecca that is IKEA.

I promised myself I would change after that trip and my dose of self-guilt.

However, that was Saturday, today is Monday and I am still up to my old tricks. I was wandering round Carrefour saying (to myself) 'yer ma' jokes over and over and pissing myself. Whilst I maintain that there is nothing funnier than someone asking you what you're doing and you replying 'yer ma'; it does seem to be losing its appeal, especially without my partner in crime Thomas Hawksett being present.

So I guess this post is to both remind me of the fact that blogging is fun (and also a guilt-free form of procrastination) but also to remind me to stop being a twat.

If you believe that is going to happen. You sir, are a bigger twat than me.

The Fog on the Tyne is all his, not Gazza's

Sorry for that awful pun but I had to pay homage to this man:



That's right it's TV's very own handyman, Robson Green. My love for this man began a couple of years ago as I was flicking through the constant drivel that is daytime television when I reached Channel 5. It took me a while to take it all in. But yes, there was good old Robson sitting in a traditional American boozer with what can only be described as your stereotypical Redneck American, built like a brick outhouse, wearing a cowboy hat and proudly displaying an unkempt handlebar moustache. It may not seem strange at first but what followed has to be one of my favourite television moments of all time. Having spent five minutes convincing this man mountain to buy him a drink, he then ordered a glass of white wine. The look on the cowboy's face was priceless. And that was it, I was hooked to Extreme Fishing with Robson Green.



On the show he travels around the world trying the locals' way of fishing. Sometimes unsuccessfully. On one occasion he sought divine inspiration from a Buddhist monk but was warned that it is not good karma to eat your catch. To which Robson replied 'I need my tea'.
Robson has a habit of describing the fish he catches as "big, bastarding prehistoric creatures man." I can assure you that they are not prehistoric and I would hazard a guess that the poor little blighter's parents were married when they conceived him. Robson has coined a few catchphrases whilst making the show. Before every visit, he targets a particular fish he wants to catch and when he catches said fish, he proclaims "that's what we came for" whilst neatly covering his lob-on with his fishing rod (pun not intended this time). These catchphrases were of particular amusement one summer evening in Wales with Joel Miles as we passed the time wildly impersonating Robson saying them and taking 4 hours to finish a single game of darts.

So, while Phil Taylor's domination of darts is not going to end anytime soon; nor is my fascination with the career of the North-East's finest export. Robson, you're a hero.

Perhaps now people can forgive him for this?

Whatever happened to...

Freddy Adu?

First Post.

Having been a reader (and often critic) of other people's blogs for some time, I decided to write my own. To my knowledge I have appeared in two other blogs thus far. Well-respected local blogger and my future housemate Mark Critchley included me in his blog which listed the highlights of his year. I was included for joining him to watch a game of football in the sorry excuse for a 'pub' that was Derbibar. Mark Critchley claimed to be king of the aforementioned pub, a claim that I strongly disputed at the time. The other time I have appeared in somebody elses blog was in the wonderful anne frank's drumkit which I considered defunct until recently as it now appears to contain a chilling message from your friendly neighbourhood lunatic Raoul Moat. I'm hoping this is just Marcus' 'sense of humour' and not an actual beyond the grave warning from a madman. The sole reason for appearing in this infamous blog was because I went to a LC! gig, insulted a blind woman in the presence of her best friend, and jumped into some 14 year old hipsters.
All in all, my current blogger's CV isn't all that respectable. My aim for this blog is to a) do more interesting things to get mentions in other people's blogs (I love the attention) and b) to make my own blog fun for you to read. So to begin...

The idea to start my own blog came to me whilst watching Premier League Years 95/96 on Sky Sports. Of course this being the first year I properly got into football at the tender age of five, it was an interesting watch, looking back on a season of which I probably only watched a couple of games, but it was these couple of games that would turn me into an avid football fan and would begin my love for Man United.
However, it wasn't this non-nostalgic viewing that stuck out for me. It was Faustino Asprilla. Probably my all-time favourite player to never don a United shirt. He was a revelation in his three years as a Premier League player, tearing up defences but also tearing his muscles. His constant injury problems meant that his form was often inconsistent. In 97 he scored a hattrick against Barcelona in the Champions league when just a year previously he had been left out for the all-important final game of the 95/96 season when Newcastle knew that even a win wouldn't be enough to win the title (in the end Manchester United beat Middlesbrough 3-0 and it didn't matter anyway). I loved him.

His injury problems and my childhood obsession with Corinthian Prostar football figures are the inspiration behind the title of this blog. See, my Asprilla figurine had the same characteristics as it's rather more famous counterpart: it arrived in England injured. I was gutted when I got it home and it's legs were so bent that it couldn't stand up properly. However, I quickly understood in my infantile mind that this was the workers in the Corinthian sweatshop playing a little joke. They'd heard that Asprilla was injury prone and were determined to make his figure so for the spoilt little 6 year old kid growing up in the historic town of Lancaster. They did and that is the story of how Faustino Asprilla became my favourite black footballer of the 90s. (I didn't care too much for Andy/Andrew Cole)
There are other stories regarding my football figurines, namely the occasion upon which my cherished Peter Schmeichel figure got nicked. Sob. Sadly, that story will have to wait. Hope you've enjoyed my first blogpost.
Goodbye.